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 Eis Quos Amo ~ HP fanfiction

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Edward Cullen
Ravenclaw
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Number of posts : 185
Age : 26
Location : At the crash
Registration date : 2008-09-01

PostSubject: Eis Quos Amo ~ HP fanfiction   Sun Nov 23, 2008 9:45 am

Constructive criticism is welcomed alongside anything else you might want to say or let me know. :)
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Sergei Sokolov
Slytherin
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Number of posts : 238
Age : 26
Location : Boston, MA
Registration date : 2008-09-01

PostSubject: Re: Eis Quos Amo ~ HP fanfiction   Sun Nov 23, 2008 10:29 am

In the paragraph where you are sitting by the lake, you repeated words a bit too much. Change wander to meander or something, and then there was a sentence that was like "...by the Great Lake, a great sorrow...". add some variety in your vocab, and it'll be real good. Can't wait to see what happens next! Smile
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Edward Cullen
Ravenclaw
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Number of posts : 185
Age : 26
Location : At the crash
Registration date : 2008-09-01

PostSubject: Re: Eis Quos Amo ~ HP fanfiction   Sat Nov 29, 2008 8:53 am

Thanks Drey. Meander - I like that :) it fits well and seems apt. Your comments are much appreciated!
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